This past year I did things that don't align with my philosophy.
I'm a strong advocate for play and exploration. But I didn't always do that in my new first grade adventure. I felt I had to listen to others and do it "the right way" since I was in learning mode. I followed the book more than following my instincts and my heart.
I used my "loud voice" a few times...and even lost my temper. I've never done that with a group of kids before. No excuses - but I think the pressure of a new thing just got the best of me. Working with a group of very talkative, social kids was a challenge, sometimes too much of a challenge. I reacted in a way that focused on me and not on them.
I didn't enjoy myself enough. There were days when I felt the joy of being with the kids. And the excitement of seeing their discoveries. But too many days I worried about what I was doing and over-thought every activity. I felt more anxiety than joy. Maybe that's the way it is for a first teaching year. But it's not the way I want it to be.
I have a long way to go to be the first grade teacher I want to be. But, this year, I will teach in ways that meet my philosophy. I will have more joy and less worry. I will follow my instincts. I'll take a deep breath and tackle the situation.
I will be the teacher that I am made to be.
